Love Yourself - At Every Age and Stage

Written by: Victoria Biddick

• NZ Associate Registered Nutritionist (ARNutr)
• BAppSc (Human Nutrition), BAppSc (Food Science)

The advice below is general advice, for any specific tailored advice relevant to any health conditions please talk to your health professional.

Self-love is a journey, not a destination.

It involves fully accepting yourself, treating yourself with kindness, and prioritising your well-being. It goes beyond actions, to your thoughts and feelings about yourself.

Loving yourself entails maintaining an overall positive outlook about who you are. This doesn't mean always feeling positive about yourself. There will be times that you feel disappointed or angry, but you can still love yourself just as you would a friend or family member when you are unhappy with them.

Self-love is essential for setting boundaries, assertiveness, healthy relationships, practicing self-care, and embracing our identity. Without it, we risk making poor choices, neglecting our needs, and harsh self-criticism.

What’s your relationship with yourself like?

Reflecting on your relationship with yourself is important for personal growth and improving our relationship with ourselves can lead to greater happiness and fulfilment.

Life Cycle Body Changes

Body changes at each age and stage are pivot points that can make us vulnerable to a fragile body image. This can affect our relationship with ourselves, our bodies, and our ability for self-love.

Some of the key body changes women experience during different life stages are:

• Puberty: Breast growth, menstruation, body hair, growth spurts, and acne (1).
• Early Adulthood: Stable hormones, increased muscle and bone mass, resilient skin.
• Pregnancy: Weight gain, breast changes, hormonal fluctuations, stretch marks, increased blood volume.
• Perimenopause: Irregular periods, hot flushes, mood swings, sleep issues, vaginal dryness, bone density loss.
• Post-Menopause: Lower hormones, higher health risks, skin thinning, weight changes.
• Aging: Muscle loss, joint stiffness, vision and hearing decline, cognitive changes, skin changes (1).

With each hormonally driven transformation comes the need to accept and acknowledge our changing bodies. Some changes may be viewed positively, while others can be negative and make us feel like we are ‘growing old’.

Changing Body – Impact on Self-Esteem and Body Image

The transformations our bodies undergo can significantly influence our self-esteem and body image, shaping our overall sense of self-worth and confidence (2).

Body image is described as a person’s perceptions, thoughts, and feelings about their body (2). In the Western world, thin bodies and a youthful complexion are deemed beautiful. Many women experience body dissatisfaction due to comparisons with media-promoted body ideals and social comparisons (2).

Learning to accept our bodies at every age and stage is an important foundation for self-love (3).

Practical Ways to Embrace Your Body and Practice Self-Love

Surround Yourself with Positivity

Engage with people and media that promote body positivity and diversity.

How to do it:

Social Media Detox: Review your social media feed and unfollow negative sources (3).

• Are you following content that pressures you to lose weight or look a certain way?
• Does an account make you feel bad about yourself?
• Do their claims seem too good to be true?
• If yes, it might be time to unfollow.

Follow a body positive influencer like Dr Emma Beckett.

Address Negative Influences: Do you have a friend or colleague who makes you feel uncomfortable with negative body talk or unrealistic eating behaviours? For example, comments like, “Oh, you’re having dessert? Better hit the gym tomorrow!”

• Share how their comments make you feel (4).
• Counter negative remarks with positive affirmations.
• Model positive body behaviour.
• Redirect the conversation.
• Spend more time with uplifting people (4).

Challenge Negative Thoughts

"Speak to your body in a loving way. It's the only one you've got, it's your home, and it deserves your respect." — Iskra Lawrence

When negative thoughts arise, counter them with positive affirmations and facts (5).

Daily Affirmation Practice 
•    Repeat your affirmations each morning or just before bed.
•    Say each affirmation multiple times to reinforce the message.
•    Focus on the meaning of each affirmation as you say it.

Positive Affirmations:

• I am worthy of love and respect just as I am.
• I appreciate all that my body does for me.
• I choose to focus on my positive qualities.
• I embrace my body and all its imperfections.
• I am proud of what my body can achieve.

Fact-Checking Negative Thoughts
Example: If you think/say, "My legs have cellulite," counter it with, "My legs are strong and help me get where I need to go." (5).

Engage in Self-Care

Engage in activities that nourish your well-being (4).

• Eat nutritious foods, exercise, and sleep well.
• Take time to relax with hobbies you enjoy.
• Set boundaries and schedule self-care time.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your humanity (4).

• Speak to yourself as you would to a friend.
• Remember everyone makes mistakes and has flaws.

Embracing self-love at every age and stage of life is essential for our overall well-being. Body changes can challenge our self-esteem and body image, but by practicing self-compassion, surrounding ourselves with positivity, and engaging in self-care, we can foster a healthier relationship with ourselves. Remember, self-love is a continuous journey that involves accepting and appreciating who we are, despite life’s ups and downs. 

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." — Oscar Wilde

References

1. Whitney, E., Rolfes, S., Crowe, T., Walsh, A. (2019). Understanding Nutrition. (4th Australia and NZ ed.). Cengage Learning.
2. Ogden, J. (2019). Health Psychology (6th ed.) McGraw-Hill Education.
3. Bezzant, N. (2023). How to accept your body just as it is. Woman.
4. Martin, S. (2023). The power of self-love. Psychology Today. Link
5. Patterson, B. (2023). Self-confidence activities. Women's Clinic. Link